That's the Way It Is

As summer winds down we have fond memories of the summer movie season. That is if the movies were decent enough to not make us want to throw diapers at the screen. These days I have grown really irked with lame movie plots. It's like studio executives think of the most random offbeat ideas and decide to put them on film, that's when they're not making crappy horror movies or remaking crappy horror movies crappier.

One of the more stand out films I speak of (and I say stand out as in one of the most awful) is The Orphan. I'm not sure if it's a remake or not, it might as well be, or I'm sure it will be eventually. I would not pay 10 dollars to see this movie nor did I have any desire to see this piece of horse crap Hollywood has thrust upon us like a drunk 40 year old at a club. I read the plot on Wikipedia. Yes, I wikied it. And the only reason I did this was because I read a review where they mentioned "the twist." I was curious.

Basically, this movie is about this couple who adopts a child and it turns out their child is not the little bundle of joy they expected to swoop up from Romania. She starts acting all evil and threatening their other children (one of whom is deaf.) I mean, first of all, let's pick on the deaf kid, as if they're not already marginalized, then she starts talking about sex to her adoptive parents and tries to seduce her adoptive father (mind you, she's like seven). Then the killing spree starts and she just goes all crazy. Just when things couldn't get zanier, those "gifted" writers pull out all the stops. It turns out, this little girl is really a 30 year old woman who suffers from some disease that keeps her looking like a child.

Seriously, this is the largest pile of dinosaur dung I have ever heard of. As if adoption didn't have a bad enough rap, now people have to worry about adopting sex crazed psychopathic 30 year olds. People were already worried about adopting the devil from The Omen, and now this. And in movies like The Orphan and The Omen, it's always nice good people that adopt the evil children and then die. Why can't the Bernie Madoffs or Sarah Palins of the world adopt the evil demon spawn huh? That way it's a win win situation. The child gets adopted, the devil gets a soul taken, and the dim witted audiences who see these movies get their carnage.

Maybe in a few years when Hollywood remakes this movie into something crappier, they'll take a few chances and try out this new plot line. And then I might just pay ten dollars to see that.