To Be Young, Gifted, and Black

He's extremely good looking. He can charm your pants off. Girls think he's dreamy, guys want to grab a beer with him. He knows about wine and has an astounding career path. Intelligent beyond your level and willing to splurge on shoes as much as he would on a scotch. He hits the gym everyday, oh! he also is a great dancer, all types of dance. Does this sound familiar to you? You don't know him. Trust me. You think you do, but you don't. This is the media's portrayal of the modern gay man or MGM as we'll call him.

But wait, that is what gay men are like, I know one, is what you're saying to yourself. No, you don't. Stop it. First of all, Tom Ford doesn't count because you don't know him and because...he's just not going to count for this exercise. And secondly, the one gay friend you are thinking about is a mess. Just because he wears a bowtie and screams "girrrrrlfriend!" and snaps as he dresses you in a tacky satin dress does not make him anything more than a mess (equivalent to that dress he said you looked fierce in).

Tony and I were having this discussion recently over some Two Buck Chuck and sushi during happy hour (see what I mean? At least its wine though, which gives us extra points toward that MGM). The media has made a horribly inaccurate misrepresentation of the gay man. Thanks to what we see on the silver screen and the small screen, we think that gay men are these everything-aficionados who can tell you where the best arugula is found in all of LA's farmer's markets whilst running to the gym (literally, running to the gym). I hate to burst society's bubble, but...where's a needle when you need one?

Don't get me wrong, I would love if we were all Tom Fords. But quite frankly, there's more gays out there whose behavior is more on par with Lindsay Lohan (drug addicted party animals with no aspiration) or the Kardashians (perpetual live-at-homers- using their parents money to strive for the middle). Tom Ford is the exception, not the rule (WWTFD?). I have no idea why there aren't more of him, I don't make the gays, I just write about them.

Perhaps you actually have to want to be that cultured. You have to want to be able to walk into a room and have a conversation on a variety of topics, you have to like wine or some type of well drink (with only one mix-in, usually not sweet), you have to want to look age appropriate and not like a 35 year old teenager or a middle aged 22 year old. You have to want to have that corner office as opposed to the tallest go-go box or nicest fitting room.

I'd say its part of growing up, but there are just as many uncultured breeders out there as there are gays. So what makes some grow up to be refined, cultured and powerful and others to be Andy Dick? Maybe there should be a charm school (like they did for young girls, and let's face it, gays are pretty much young girls at heart anyway) that can school you and teach you how to act civilized and properly. Classes can range from how to speak proper English, to dressing appropriate for your age, to current events discussion(no TMZ allowed).

Let's be optimistic though, people evolve and as a species we are supposed to get better. Perhaps, we are on the verge of a transformation into more Tom Fords, maybe gays are the new wine, we get better with age, like women (see, there's the female comparison again, bring on the queer theorists!).

I should probably prepare for the backlash of gays that are going to read this and not understand the humor and satire behind it, but then again, they're not exactly the MGM are they?